SEX FILES: How to successfully express yourself this coming spook season

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The Halloween season is upon us and frankly, I am all for it. I have seasonal depression (along with just regular ole’ depression) so as the air chills and everything begins to taste like pumpkin spice – even things that really shouldn’t — this typically is when I transform into whatever the autumnal equivalent of Ebenezer Scrooge is. I hole up at home, hide under an afghan and pray for warmer days while throwing cinnamon-heavy Starbucks seasonal drinks at children from my balcony (I’m kidding about the last one).


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This is all to say that this year, I’ve been bitten by the Halloween bug and I couldn’t be more excited. I even ordered a new wig for the occasion. Hint: it’s full of Blonde Ambition and I can’t wait to Express Myself come Oct. 31st. Somewhere between shopping for a SAD lamp and eating mini Mars bars by the handful, I forget how fun and sexy Halloween can be.

Whether you’re looking to deepen the connection with your partner or tap into your alter ego (in my case, it’s my favourite sex-positive pop superstar from the `80s and `90s), Halloween is the perfect time to play and explore.

By adopting a different persona, many people find it easier to open up and engage in fantasies that they wouldn’t normally broach, allowing them to experience greater connection and fulfillment with their partner. But how do you get into it without feeling a little, well – ridiculous?


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Over email, Luna Matatas, Lovehoney Canada’s resident sexpert, shared some tips for approaching erotic role play.

Expand your erotic imagination

Costumes are a great way to explore a new persona in the bedroom. Whether you’re looking to dress up as a French maid, a naughty nurse or “Sexy Big Bird” (Google it! Don’t say I didn’t warn you!) Matatas encourages people to ask themselves what they find sexy about a specific costume or persona.

“Is it power? Is it fear? Is it sensual? Is it an activity that the role gets to do that you don’t? Tell a story about the role, what do they smell, look, feel, sound and taste like? What do they want to feel? How does your role play inspire your partner to feel?” she says. Answering these questions can make your fantasy play that much richer.


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Play more, perform less

“Media and mainstream porn give us the impression that sex has to look a certain way,” says Matatas. The goal, however, is to have fun and experiment. “No need to take the role play super seriously – silly is sexy! It doesn’t have to be perfect or flawless, take the pressure off of performance and set a playful tone for both you and your partner,” she says. If you’re feeling self-conscious, Matatas suggests trying a blindfold to get out of your head and get into the sensations.

Share your fantasy with your partner

“It can feel very vulnerable to share an erotic fantasy with your partner, especially about role playing,” says Matatas. However, when you share your fantasies you give the other person important intel on how to give you pleasure. To make it easier, Matatas encourages people to share their fantasy in story form. “Think about painting a picture of what you (fantasize) to. Go beyond sexy activities and help them understand what it is about the fantasy that arouses you,” she says.


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Start slow

For some people like myself who come from a theatre background and have the personality of guacamole (I’m always a little extra!) role play comes easily. But for others, it may take patience and practice to build confidence. Matatas says, “getting started can feel intimidating and overwhelming, so go slow, start with a short scene, and be gentle with yourself — it’s not a performance — and don’t give up right away.”

If you’re not sure where to begin, start by adding elements of the fantasy to sex activities you already enjoy and go from there – one flick of the stethoscope or tickle of Big Bird’s feathers at a time.



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